3 de abril de 2008

Gera-tudo

Talento e coragem podem ser dispensados quando se tem uma boa fórmula, dessas infalíveis pra resolver o problema. Quer ser puta compositor ou compositor de puta? Geradores de letras do Engenhereiros do Hawaii, Tribalistas e Miss Kittin. Você pode ser o próximo hit, cara. Bote fé no seu taco.

Além de virar compositor, ainda tem a chance de escrever textos no estilo do Jorge Amado ou então, que tal virar roteirista de novela da Globo? Tudo tem fórmula. Você acha que esse povo chegaria em algum lugar sem geradores automáticos de texto?

Amigaaam, seus problemas acabaram. Sério. Não, agora sério mesmo. É divertido e meio que funciona. E além desses de música, achei um fabuloso pra quem é hype, moderno, fala inglês fluente e tá a fim de terminar um namoro via e-mail. Tempos modernos, né? Que falar na cara o que? O negócio é começar e terminar pelo mundinho virtual.


Então, é só clicar aqui e contar tudo pro gerador automático de e-mails de fim de namoro tudo que aconteceu marcando umas alternativas bem sacanas do que você quer ou não pro futuro de vocês. É, no mínimo divertido. E, pra provar meu ponto, ó a que eu fiz aqui, terminando com o John Cusack:

Dear John,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. You've changed too much since we met, and I don't like it. I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. And another thing: take a freakin shower! You smell so bad that the garbage collectors wonder what the smell is when they come down the street. I'm fed up with kissing an ashtray and seeing you waste your money on cancer sticks every day. It's disgusting. Doing drugs so much really got in the way of more important things. You need to clean yourself up. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? The fact that you forgot our anniversary just confirms that it's time for "we" to become "me." Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! I also really need more space, I don't like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand. I don't know how to break it to you, but I found someone else to replace you. You know what they say: out with the old, in with the new! I don't really do the whole long distance relationship thing. New area code, new market, and it's time for me to go shopping.

Some people get very little money out of their job. Some people get dumped. Joy of joys, you get both. At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun. You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Get lost loser!
Joey

Usem com sabedoria.

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